Mar

Jokes of the day – Kids

Posted by: admin in Jokes

Kids Are Quick
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TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘ I. ‘
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, ‘I am.’
MILLIE: All right… ’I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
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Tags: funny jokes, Jokes, kids, kids jokes, teacher and kids jokes, teacher jokes

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6

Mar

Sex Problems

Posted by: admin in Jokes

Sex Problems

1. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

2. When I was born, I was given a choice – A big ? or a good memory ………… I don’t remember, what I chose.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature’s way of saying ‘No hard feeli ngs….’

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – ‘don’t’ and ’stop’, unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, it’s lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialler were too small..

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Q: What’s an Australian kiss?
…. A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing……

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man’s life?
…. A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn’t.

16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
…. A: Breasts don’t have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, ‘Don’t take your troubles to bed’, many men still sleep with their wives!!

Tags: fun stuff, Jokes, sex fun stuff, sex problems, sex problems jokes

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14

Feb

Joke of the day – WIFE

Posted by: admin in Jokes

Husband asks, ‘Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means ‘Without Information Fighting Everytime’!’

Wife replies, ‘No, it means ‘With Idiot For Ever’!!!’

Tags: daily jokes, funny marriage, husband joke, Jokes, marriage joke, wife joke

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15

Jan

13 Things PMS Stands For:

Posted by: admin in Jokes

13 Things PMS Stands For:

1 . Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid-Section5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweat pants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

and my favorite one :13. Potential Murder Suspect

Tags: 13 Things PMS Stands For, Joke, Jokes, PMS joke

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15

Nov

Joke of the day – THE SPOILED UNDER 30 CROWD!!!

Posted by: admin in Jokes

THE SPOILED UNDER 30 CROWD!!!

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears
With their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When
they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school
every morning

Uphill… barefoot.

BOTH ways

Yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up,
There was no way in hell I was going to lay

A bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it

And how easy they’ve got it!

But now that… I’m over the ripe old age of
Thirty, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of
today.

You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my
Childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

And I hate to say it but you kids today you
Don’t know how good you’ve got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have The Internet. If we
wanted to know something, We had to go to the damn library and
Look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write
Somebody a letter, with a pen!

Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put
it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3’s or Napsters! You wanted to
Steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and
shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and
the DJ’d usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

We didn’t have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you
Were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy
signal, that’s it!

And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID either!
When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be
your school,
Your mom, your boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer, a
collections agent, you
Just didn’t know!!! You had to pick it up and take your
chances, mister!

We didn’t have any fancy Sony Playstation video
Games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600!
With games
Like ‘Space Invaders’ and ‘asteroids’. Your guy was a little
square! You Actually had to use your Imagination!! And there were no
multiple levels or
Screens, it was just one screen
Forever!

And you could never win. The game just kept getting
Harder and harder and
Faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a Little book called a TV Guide to find out what
was
On! You were screwed when it Came to channel surfing! You had
to get off
Your ass and walk over to the TV to change the Channel and
there was no
Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons
On Saturday Morning. Do you Hear what I’m saying!?! We had to
wait ALL WEEK
For cartoons, you spoiled
Little rat-bastards!

And we didn’t have microwaves, if we wanted to heat
Something up we had to use the stove … Imagine that!

That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids
Today have got it too easy.
You’re spoiled. You guys wouldn’t have lasted
Five minutes back in 1980!

Regards,
The over 30 Crowd

Tags: funny jokes, Joke, Jokes, THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!

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22

Sep